My dad died when I was twelve and he had just turned forty-six. So the story begins. At that age I did not yet know how to handle it. I remember that I did not cry. It just felt numb. Dad was a good father who took healthy time with his children. As examples: he took time for conversation; answered questions; gave good advice; helped us understand; listened as we practiced the piano; participated with us in church; and safely taught us how to do different practical things such as cut the grass.
In the last couple of years I have slowly come to realize that I needed to walk through the loss of my father again so I began in being counseled to read a book on the subject. The book I chose was by Beth M. Erickson entitled Longing for Dad: Father Loss and Its Impact. Dr. Erickson writes from her experience for her father died at the age of fifty when she was just nine. She admits that she first responded by "submerging her own needs and feelings" for such was encouraged in her family setting. Next, she tells of how she dealt with her loss in a more healthy way (8f). She uses her experiential pattern to write the rest of her book by noting negative responses to the death or abuse of a father followed by noting a number of different healthy ways of walking through such. She even touches on spiritual issues in the loss of a father. Just as a note, she became a family psychologist and divorce mediator.
This reading and reflection has been of help to me and I confess that I am now aching as if my father's death has just occurred. In one sense, the healing process continues. In another, it has just begun.
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